Welcome class. This is Criminal Law 100, or as I prefer to call it -

How to Get Away with Murder: the easiest class to pass if you're a white person!




Lesson 1: Be white, and if you're unsure about one of your classmates, then no problem! Check under your desk and you will find (drum roll please)... The Scale of Morality! All shades from slight tan to "God is there even one drop of melanin in you" pale is okay! They will lead you to the promise land. However, anyone from buttercup, dark chocolate, to midnight, is considered a scumbag. When approaching a scumbag, walk slowly and avoid eye contact. Hold your purse as tightly as possible and call the police!

"Hello 911, there's an emergency! There's a black man walking the street, how dare he!?"

Lesson 2: Take and destroy, creating obstacles for other nonwhites in the world.
 


3: Take pictures of your hard work reading to little black kids.



4: (and take this to memory) "Racism, is over."



5: While saying racism is over, be racist. 


6: How to be an ally? Don’t. 


7: *inserts confederate flag emoji*
 


8: It was just one mistake. One bad apple.

And last but certainly not least, 10: remember what America was built on: a fantastic system:

taking from others,

destroying families,

and having those who built this nation imprisoned and persecuted.


Whew! That was a lot.

Well, class... welcome to How To Get Away With Murder: the easiest class to pass if you're white.